Pray for Bacon

Growing up, whenever I lost Barbie’s shoe or my favorite stuffed animal, my mom would tell me to pray to St. Anthony, patron saint of lost things. It never helped much (stupid St. Anthony...) but now I've learned of a way cooler saint—St. Anthony the Abbot, patron saint of bacon! Paintings portraying Anthony often showed him accompanied by a pig and so, those working with pigs took him as their patron saint. I take him as my spiritual guide. You can get your very own St. Anthony figurine, complete with bacon in frying pan and a prayer to assist you in the enjoyment of bacon:

O wonderous St. Anthony, please bless me with an abundance of quality bacon and grant me the patience and timing to properly fry each glorious strip. Amen.

Amen!!

The baconista blog is good for you.

Well, for the most part anyway... The Gematriculator determines how good or evil a website is by searching for different patterns in text. The baconista blog is 76% good (as compared to ILWTR’s measly 60%) and only a mere 24% evil. But could you truly enjoy anything if it weren't just a teeny bit evil? The site says:

“Experts consider the mathematical patterns in the text of the Holy Bible as God’s watermark of authenticity. Thus, the Gematriculator provides only results that are absolutely correct.”

So basically, God wants you to eat bacon.

WWBD?

With the holidays fast approaching, one might reflect upon the birth of Christ. And with so many decisions to be made one might think, what would Jesus do? Well, years of Catholic school have successfully rid me of any such religious inclination. A more appropriate question for me would be: What would bacon do? For example, you're running around all day but you have a party to go to soon. Do you have time to take a shower? What would bacon do? Bacon would smell awesome. Now you know you have to get your ass in the shower. Thank you, bacon!